Neurofeedback Client (Aug, 2016):
I can’t say Neurofeedback treatments gave me my life back, because I’d never had life. It instead has given me a life I never thought was possible, full of emotion and joy, rich and fulfilling. My mind after Neuro has the ability to process and understand so much better. There is clarity instead of noise. I can concentrate. I can think about a problem, situation, whatever, and reason it through. I am not constantly having recurring thoughts. I haven’t had a major PTSD flashback (one that takes me ‘back there’) for more than a year. I like being the person I am. A huge change for me is this feeling of confidence I have in myself.
Before Neurofeedback I didn’t feel emotions, just depression and anxiety. I constantly had voices in my head. I don’t remember feeling anything other than pain. I feared sleep because of nightmares. I mostly stayed home, afraid to even go out my door and terrified of going to the grocery store. I never took freeways. I couldn’t go into an elevator or be with a crowd. I was scared. I detested being in my own skin. I was a cutter and enjoyed selfinjury. The abuse I’d suffered had control of me.
My diagnoses included being suicidal (hospitalized under the 5150 law multiple times), Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Major Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder and others I can’t think of. I was on large to maximum doses of several antidepressants and antipsychotics and an antianxiety medication, all of which caused significant side effects. I am now on a significantly lower dose of one antidepressant and an antianxiety, and no antipsychotics at all. I physically feel better now due to fewer meds.
I started Neurofeedback in November 2014 as a last attempt to get out of the dark (I’ve had depression and therapy most of my adulthood.) I feel like my brain slowly began to open up. It was a lot of work, but I could feel something happening. I had counseling with Neurofeedback after a couple of months, and that started put the things I was learning and sensations and feelings I was beginning to have in the right places … I needed help to understand the amazingly rapid changes that were happening to me. I could feel my awareness growing. The voices started to go away.
There have been times when I have been completely overwhelmed by these new emotions, and struggled to deal with the rush of feelings that hit me. I started therapy again in January 2016 with a wonderful psychologist, and we are doing the hard work of putting the changes in the way I feel and see the world into perspective in everyday life. I feel Neuro and therapy have worked together beautifully. I needed therapy because this was all new to me.
I am now taking classes at SBVC. I go shopping without an escort. I have a service dog, but I don’t take her with me anymore. I can go to a Dodger’s game. I can make phone calls. I go out every day. I have a social life!
I love the way this life feels now, after 59 years of just wanting out. I feel peace and my mind can actually be quiet! Mind blown! Some people, family, are having trouble accepting how much I have changed. Others embrace it with joy. These people say they always knew this was me and that they are delighted at how strong and happy I am.
I am grateful to the entire staff for their support and encouragement, especially my clinician and Dr. McReynolds. I feel blessed to have found this program. I cannot express how differently I feel and act. I can handle life now. Bring it on! L.